I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Randomize
