Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
