I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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