so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
