I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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