I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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