Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
