yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
