I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
