I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
