hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
