Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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