____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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