Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
