We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
