dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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