I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
