I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
