We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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