is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
