omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
