i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
