Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
