dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
