Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
