He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
