Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
