If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
