sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
