I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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