please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
