U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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