You're so nebulous sometimes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
