Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
