Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
