Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
