he was CRYING into my vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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