My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
