Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
