if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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