How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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