Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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