My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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