Non-Jews are for practice
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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