HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
