So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
