You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
