Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
