I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
