i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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