My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
