good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
