party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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