Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
