yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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