official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
