Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
